IT'S A MATTER OF *PRINCIPLES*.

i had two interviews today. one was this morning and it went okay, i don't remember making any mistakes during the interview, then i just had another one at a hotel the lyft driver couldn't find until he asked someone where we were and i told him the address i had in my cell phone which apparently was different than what the lyft driver had in his computer. so i got there like 5 minutes late but the person who interviewed me didn't say anything about my tardiness because i told him that the lyft driver had to stop and ask someone questions. the second interview went well also, i didn't make any mistakes but i'm not sure i really stand out to interviewers- so they don't even bother considering me. ah well. just gonna have to keep trying.
i was thinking on my way back from my interview about how my mom or any of my other family really don't seem interested in any jobs i get or interviews. my mom has went outta her way to tell me on the phone about my brother working different jobs- so she at least pays attention to how he works. she's mentioned my sister working for my grandma's brother a few times also. i'm not sure if she's aware of the fact that I am NOT here, on this Earth, to make others feel better about their situations. i did NOT start out with a brain injury and so i'm definitely NOT gonna just do what's CONVENIENT for others (who don't have to deal with the circumstances of my choices). SO GET THAT FUCKIN IDEA OUT OF YOUR HEAD, AMANDA AND MOM. grandma foolishly had confidence in amanda ACTUALLY HELPING ME TO LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT BECAUSE SHE WAS AWARE THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HOW TO GET CERTAIN OPPORTUNITIES THAT I WANT. tell yourself whatever the fuck you want about how my grandma knew what she was doing- so she purposely didn't help me. SHE WAS AWARE THAT SHE WAS NAIVE WHEN IT CAME TO HOW THINGS ARE THESE DAYS AND SHE DIDN'T WANNA PUT ONE OF THE PEOPLE SHE CARED ABOUT MOST IN A BAD LIVING SITUATION INTENTIONALLY. the fact that you're too fuckin selfish and careless does NOT help me at all. having a disrespectful, intentionally negligent family does NOT help my life.. ESPECIALLY with a traumatic brain injury. it's really no wonder why most people with tbi's get ptsd after their accidents and not FROM them. so it just reveals exactly how uncaring amanda and my grandma really are. i'll never forgive any of you and that includes my mom who has used me as a damn HUMAN SHIELD while being kicked by my dad when i was younger.. so far- my family is responsible for my PTSD which DOES actually affect me during my rehabilitation and health and *GASP* that MUST be one of the reasons why i've never had the desire to stay around where i lived.. because deep down- i KNEW something would happen to me to reveal exactly how much my family and other people around this state doesn't care about me. if they really gave a shit- THEY'D CHANGE HOW MUCH SUPPORT AND CARE THEY'VE SHOWN ME. NOPE! THEREFORE THEY DO NOT CARE FOR ME AND I'M JUST SEEN TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEIR LIVES. i'm obviously capable of more than remaining where i am settling for depending on ssi because that's more convenient for my family so they don't have to support me in any other way even though they have the knowledge that NO ONE who really pays disabled workers decently! that's also why amanda just assumes that i'm better off since minnesota supposedly pays the most for ssi- maybe to careless, entitled people who don't care enough to consider COST OF LIVING IS MORE IN OTHER AREAS BECAUSE THEY HAVE MORE OPPORTUNITIES AND BENEFITS THAN HERE- SO THEREFORE THEY PAY MORE. i can only really count on my cousin joe to agree with this and my obsessed sister who thinks because she reads my blog- SHE'LL MAGICALLY TURN INTO ME!.. gotta do the work, chubs. I'M NOT PUT ON THIS FUCKING PLANET TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEIR LIVES. go fuck yourself if you think differently. YOU GOT THIS!